The biggest obstacle I have faced as a mom lately is trying to talk with Braxton about Eli's condition.
Brack is so mature for his age; he hears and comprehends everything us as adults talk about.
Many times Zach and I have had discussions about Eli and how Braxton needs to know about his ASD because a lot of their fighting is due to Braxton wanting to play with Eli when he doesn't want to.
Eli has always parallel played, meaning he plays along side others but not with them. Many children with ASD do this because the scene created by their imagination remains in their head and is not welcoming to outsiders. It is not them being rude or selfish, but really a weakness that they cannot overcome as children.
Eli has learned from school and as he has gotten older he has to make conscious effort to allow others into his playing, but at home and certain off days he still parallel plays some.
So I sat Braxton down one day after listening to them go back and forth for almost two hours and fussing at them for doing it.
I said "Buddy why are you aggravating your brother like this? He tells you he doesn't want to play and you still try and make him."
Brack just looked so frustrated and said I don't know mama." and I said "Buddy when someone says they don't want to do something you have to stop trying to do it. You cant keep trying and make them."
He just shook his head as he lowered it like he was in trouble. I said "You're not in trouble. I want to ask you something. Did you know that Eli's brain is different?" He nodded like I was acting dumb for asking.
We've been telling Brack for years when Eli has meltdowns or doesn't like something that's going on around him that it's because his brain is different.
I then asked him if he knew what that meant. He said "Not really."
Well now I was stumped for words.
How do I explain autism to a 6 year old what I'm trying to say that will get the point across without it being too much for him to understand?
Then a lightbulb hit me.
I said "Brack how old are you?" Proudly he said, "I'm 7." I smiled and asked "And how old is your brother?" He shrugged and said "Like 5".
I said "Yes he is 5 years old. Not much younger than you. But when I say his brain is different, I'm really saying that his brain is not as old as he is."
Braxton looked puzzled. "How is his brain not as old as he is?" he asked me.
In my mind, I felt this was the easiest way to explain the level of social skills Eli has to Braxton that might help him understand.
"Well, Eli's body is 5 years old, but his brain is more like 3 years old. That's why Eli has meltdowns sometimes about not getting his way or when he is upset about you asking him to play. He doesn't know how to handle things that make him upset like talking to me and Duke or taking deep breaths. It will take Eli longer to learn the things you already know how to do."
Braxton seemed to sort of get what I was saying. I could see little wheels turning like what I said made sense to all the years that Eli has been having meltdowns over what seem to be the tiniest inconveniences.
"Brack baby, Eli's brain has a condition called autism. It makes his brain act younger than he actually is. And he will always have it. That's why he has a special bus, that's why he has a special teacher. That's why he has therapy at the hospital. He cannot help the way he acts out sometimes. A lot of times he can, but its going to take him longer to learn how to act than it did you. So I want you to give him a little slack."
Braxton handled it pretty well actually. He said he didn't have any questions for me right then other than if he could go play his Nintendo Switch.
I think I took the conversation a lot harder than he did. It broke my heart that he was getting old enough that I was having to tell him.
We had just blown it off for so long that I liked how easy it was to just tell him Eli's brain was different and he accepted that excuse.
But like I said, Braxton is getting older and so much more mature as the days go by.
The days of easy excuses are coming to a close. And it makes me a nervous wreck because that means my boys are growing up, and are able to learn more things about themselves and each other.
Thanks for reading! God bless!
