Looking back on the New Year

New Years has come and began once again. 

Everyone’s looking toward the future and they can achieve their goals they’ve set this year. 

But me, I’m looking back. 

I’m looking back at the years we’ve spent looking forward to what we have now. 

This past holiday season was the most enjoyable one we’ve had yet. 

Eli was SO excited to open gifts and that was the first time he actually wanted to touch the paper. 

Our first few years of Christmas had usually involved screams and cries. 

Eli couldn’t stand the sound of ripping Christmas paper, nor could he stand the touching of the paper. So he would hide when we opened gifts. 

We adjusted just like any other special needs family, we used gift bags. 

After that, Eli liked the gifts but still couldn’t open them if they had paper. 

But he could at least sit with us when we opened them. We had to open them for him. 

Up until this past Christmas. 

Eli opened his gifts on his own. And couldn’t wait to do so!

It was wonderful milestone for all of us. 

Braxton, Eli’s older brother, has opened his gifts for him over the years. 

But this year when Braxton offered, Eli said “No I can open them!” 

We all rejoiced for him. We all knew this was a big deal for him. And for us. 

So this year I’m looking back. 

I’m looking back at the days when I couldn’t wait for this day to come. And for when it comes. 

Here’s to many more days to come for Eli. 

And I’ll be there, thanking God that what I prayed for has arrived...

once again.

Favorite Autism moment

Recently I was asked to share my favorite autism moment. Only one came to my mind.


My favorite autism moment with my son is when he introduced me to a stranger. It was an amazing moment I will cherish forever!


My son, Eli was diagnosed at 19 months old with moderate autism spectrum disorder. It was not shocking news to me. We had concerns with Eli since he was super little.


Never greeted anyone, never responded when spoken to, never spoke a word. He always used screams, cries, and grunts to communicate.


Once diagnosed, we began outpatient speech and occupational therapies at our local hospital. Eli responded so well to his therapists. It didn’t take long for his sweet charm to win them over.

After about 2.5 months of weekly sessions with both therapists, Eli began to really speak out loud. His very first word was mama.


Most of the time though it was random things he saw in sight. Chair, book, toy, etc. A few more months go by.


We begin school which was a huge hurdle. But we made it passed the initial fright. He seemed to acclimate very well into the routine of school.


We had a wonderful and very patient preschool teacher who was a great influence for Eli.


One Wednesday I pick Eli up for therapy as usual. His teacher told me he had been talking almost all day.


So we leave and attend therapy. He had a great session. Spoke sentences of all the imagination he had in his head. I smile and say “Yeah that’s great Eli”.


We walk out the door of the hospital and there is a couple sitting on the bench by the door. When we are outdoors I always have a firm grip on his hand because I’m terrified of elopement.


As I’m walking to our car his hand slips from mine. I quickly turn around and find him standing in front of the couple on the bench.


He’s jabbering away to them and of course they can’t understand him because his speech isn’t the most articulate. So I start to listen to see if I can decifer to them what he’s saying.


And he says “This is my mama”.


It was the very first time he ever introduced me to anyone. It was the most amazing sweetest thing I ever experienced. Warmed my heart instantly!!


I cried as soon as we got in the car. I couldn’t believe my boy in 7 short months went from not speaking any words to full sentences to strangers!


I’m so proud of all his accomplishments even 3 years later. He continues to amaze me. I really enjoy how literal he is nowadays. When I threaten a “whooping to his tail”, his response is “I don’t have a tail!”

I hope this brought a smile to your face and I hope it helps you keep faith that your baby can accomplish anything that any other child can. Don’t ever set limits because they will surprise you and push right past them!!


God bless! 

Our first talk

The biggest obstacle I have faced as a mom lately is trying to talk with Braxton about Eli's condition.



Brack is so mature for his age; he hears and comprehends everything us as adults talk about.



Many times Zach and I have had discussions about Eli and how Braxton needs to know about his ASD because a lot of their fighting is due to Braxton wanting to play with Eli when he doesn't want to.



Eli has always parallel played, meaning he plays along side others but not with them. Many children with ASD do this because the scene created by their imagination remains in their head and is not welcoming to outsiders. It is not them being rude or selfish, but really a weakness that they cannot overcome as children.



Eli has learned from school and as he has gotten older he has to make conscious effort to allow others into his playing, but at home and certain off days he still parallel plays some.



So I sat Braxton down one day after listening to them go back and forth for almost two hours and fussing at them for doing it.



I said "Buddy why are you aggravating your brother like this? He tells you he doesn't want to play and you still try and make him."



Brack just looked so frustrated and said I don't know mama." and I said "Buddy when someone says they don't want to do something you have to stop trying to do it. You cant keep trying and make them."


He just shook his head as he lowered it like he was in trouble. I said "You're not in trouble. I want to ask you something. Did you know that Eli's brain is different?" He nodded like I was acting dumb for asking.



We've been telling Brack for years when Eli has meltdowns or doesn't like something that's going on around him that it's because his brain is different.



I then asked him if he knew what that meant. He said "Not really."



Well now I was stumped for words.



How do I explain autism to a 6 year old what I'm trying to say that will get the point across without it being too much for him to understand?



Then a lightbulb hit me.



I said "Brack how old are you?" Proudly he said, "I'm 7." I smiled and asked "And how old is your brother?" He shrugged and said "Like 5".


I said "Yes he is 5 years old. Not much younger than you. But when I say his brain is different, I'm really saying that his brain is not as old as he is."



Braxton looked puzzled. "How is his brain not as old as he is?" he asked me.



In my mind, I felt this was the easiest way to explain the level of social skills Eli has to Braxton that might help him understand.



"Well, Eli's body is 5 years old, but his brain is more like 3 years old. That's why Eli has meltdowns sometimes about not getting his way or when he is upset about you asking him to play. He doesn't know how to handle things that make him upset like talking to me and Duke or taking deep breaths. It will take Eli longer to learn the things you already know how to do."



Braxton seemed to sort of get what I was saying. I could see little wheels turning like what I said made sense to all the years that Eli has been having meltdowns over what seem to be the tiniest inconveniences.



"Brack baby, Eli's brain has a condition called autism. It makes his brain act younger than he actually is. And he will always have it. That's why he has a special bus, that's why he has a special teacher. That's why he has therapy at the hospital. He cannot help the way he acts out sometimes. A lot of times he can, but its going to take him longer to learn how to act than it did you. So I want you to give him a little slack."


Braxton handled it pretty well actually. He said he didn't have any questions for me right then other than if he could go play his Nintendo Switch.



I think I took the conversation a lot harder than he did. It broke my heart that he was getting old enough that I was having to tell him.


We had just blown it off for so long that I liked how easy it was to just tell him Eli's brain was different and he accepted that excuse.


But like I said, Braxton is getting older and so much more mature as the days go by.


The days of easy excuses are coming to a close. And it makes me a nervous wreck because that means my boys are growing up, and are able to learn more things about themselves and each other.


Thanks for reading! God bless!

A New World for Eli

Wow! Its been so long since I've posted anything. We've had a busy year. Eli has been doing wonderful. He had to get a new teacher this year for preschool which really threw him off, but he is adjusting (as I'm sure she is having to learn Eli language lol!) Eli is still receiving outpatient speech and occupational therapy as well and is glad to be back seeing his favorite ladies at MCS.

For a few months now we have been discussing sound reduction headphones for Eli. We have experienced several situations where they would've came in handy. One of which happened Thursday night when we all attended a local fall festival. Eli was doing fine until we went inside and then he became restless and acted like he was upset. All the noise of the people, games, music, and small space combined made him very overwhelmed. Eli can hear and receive sounds in greater amounts than we can.

An example would be imagine you are watching TV in your home. You have the volumes at a reasonable level where you can hear it without it being too loud or disruptive to others in the home. In Eli's case the same volume level may be too loud because his brain has a built-in sound amplifier like the ones you can buy from TV. Normal everyday noises can become bothersome. Not only does he hear sounds greater, he also hears everything. A neurotypical (fancy word for normal function) brain is built to only recognize sounds it needs or feels to be warning for danger or harm. For Eli's brain he is unable to filter the noise. His brain receives any and all sound around him, which then leads to stimulation overload, which then leads to meltdowns because he is unable to control the noise in his head and does not know how to deal with it. Many children with autism have meltdowns simply from stimulation overload. They experience the world in a very unique way and in my opinion makes them very special. If you witness a child having a meltdown, NOT a tantrum, the best thing you can do is offer to help and to not pass judgement. We as parents know our child is being disruptive without intention. We do not need you to make it more obvious.

Anyway back to the festival. Eli was getting overwhelmed fast and I didn't want him to not being able to have fun. So I asked the special education teacher if we could borrow a pair for him to use while we were there and she said of course. When I put them on him yall it was like night and day! His anxiety immediately disappeared and he was calm and ready to go play! First thing he asked to do was ride the ponies!

Eli ended up having a great time and it was the first time in a long time that we were able to stay the entire time at an event without leaving in tears or screaming. It was a nice blessing for all of us! So today, Eli and myself went to the store and bought his own pair and you haven't met a happier kid. He told me that he "loved his headphones so much!" He is able to enjoy many things he has struggled with for years. My regret is that I didn't buy him a set sooner. But being a parent is not just teaching your child, it about learning with them too. Everyday is a lesson we can all learn from.

-TD

Give acceptance, not pity

Hi everyone :) Welcome back. I have been extremely busy lately and haven't been able to write but it feels good to be back at it.

So today I worked at the local hospital. I am a CNA/Unit Clerk as needed there. I was talking with coworkers about Eli and this upcoming school year ahead of us(a whole other anxiety post to come later). While speaking with them, one of my closer friends asked how long Eli has been diagnosed and as I began to talk about it. While I was describing our story, another coworkers who I am acquainted with but do not know well walked up and asked what we were talking about. When I told her we were discussing my youngest having autism, she looked at me with pity and said "Awe, your son has autism?" I said "Yeah" while shaking my head.

Now that I've sat and thought about the conversation, I wish I would've said something more than Yeah. I wish I would've said "yes but it's not a sad thing. He's one of the happiest boys I know." Because it's not something to pity. But then I think back to when I used to react to people's statements about children with autism. And I remember having that pity she displayed today.

Here's the thing I can tell you folks who have little experience with autism. The last thing parents of ASD kids want is your pity. I am not mad at the girl who I referred to today because I know she did what she thought was the right thing. I understand that people display pity as a sign of empathy. The thing with ASD is that we don't need empathy or pity, we need acceptance and understanding. We want you all to be happy that were moving forward and that were overcoming our struggles. We want you all to respond with smiles instead of frowns. The positive reinforcements from understanding and acceptance is much more influential than the negative of pity.

"Be humble and gentle in every way. Be patience with each other and lovingly accept each other. "

-Taylor

About Eli: Inside and Out :)

Welcome back :)

I would like to say thank you to each and everyone for their support of my first post. I am so blessed to have even one person read it, and it continues to grow in views. Thanks so much! 

This morning I decided that I wanted to write about Eli and his life as of right now. I know that he is only 3 years old and that (God willing) he has a full life ahead of him. He has so much potential to overcome his struggles. But I think it's important to give a background about him. I have tried to make it as brief and understandable as I could so please bare with me.

 

So this cutie above is Eli :) 

I absolutely love this picture of him because I feel like it captures his happiness. His smile is brightening and his laugh is contagious. Although autism doesn't allow Eli to communicate with us or share experiences with us, it doesn't keep him from being a (mostly) happy little boy. 

When Eli was diagnosed, the physician described autism in a way that really clicked with me. To paraphrase what she said, normal brain cells connect to each other to send messages without trouble. Each cell reports to the correct receiving cell to display the message being sent (i.e. making eye contact). For a person who has autism, their brain cells do not connect the same. Instead, the cells are either sent to other receiving cells or not connected at all to create abnormal messages (i.e. not making eye contact). Because the cells don't connect correctly, it causes the symptoms we are able to identify like difficulty with communication and social interactions, obsessive interests, and repetitive behaviors. For Eli, he displays difficulty in social interaction and communicating needs. He also has obsessive interests in wheels of his toy cars and displays repetitive vocal sounds (a.k.a. echolalia).  

Autism also affects a person's senses. Every person on the spectrum is affected differently and experience custom sensory difficulties. For Eli, he has hypersensitivity(fancy word for oversensitive) to light, taste, some touch, and some sound. As I previously stated, Eli's sensitivity to light is his hardest struggle. He remains indoors a lot because the sun is sometimes too much. A way to describe how uncomfortable it is to him is to imagine the sun was much much closer to the Earth. He receives that much more light from the sun than we do. Eli is also a picky eater. He is basically surviving off of chicken strips and fries because he has so much discomfort of squishy foods like mashed potatoes. He eats a lot of fruit because it's crunchy also. 

Eli also has hyposensitivity(undersensitive) to touch, sound, balance, and fear. Because he is not able to recieve stimulation from these senses the same, he requires much more to satisfy his needs. For a balance example, if you and I were on the merry-go-round at the park and we had rode it for only 5 minutes we would become very dizzy. We would have a hard time standing, and may even fall. If Eli was to ride the merry-go-round, it would take him probably 15 minutes before becoming dizzy like us. His senses don't recieve the same amount of stimulation that ours do. A fear example would be that while you and I can perceive a fearful situation like jumping off something at a great height, Eli would find it to be enjoyable. He is unable to understand situations that may cause harm because he doesn't recieve it the same as we do. 

To clarify, this is just a non-educated paraphrased description of my understanding. I am in no shape claiming that this is how autism is specifically or that it is completely correct. I am only sharing this to maybe help people better understand autism and how it is for people who have it. Using Eli as an example, it's a description of why some of the things autistic people do seemy strange or different. It's because their brains work much differently than ours. 

Grocery store fiasco

Hi there and welcome to our story!! My name is Taylor and this is my very first blog so please be patient with me! I am a mother to two beautiful boys who are my world! My oldest is named Braxton and he is the smartest, funniest almost 5 year old you've ever met! He truly is growing up way too fast for me to keep up with. My youngest is named Eli and he is my little handful. Eli is a mischievous but sweet 3 year old. He loves to sing and watch TV! Welcome to our family :)

To begin, I want you to know why I am writing about our story. Eli has Moderate Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was diagnosed April 24th of this year. I'm excited to start this blog of our experiences because I want to help create awareness for autism acceptance. There is so much about autism that I am still learning about and I'm as much of a student as the audience of this blog. But I feel that I should share our experiences so that maybe another family can feel comfort knowing they are not alone. Or maybe this can help people who have zero experience with autism get a sense of what it's truly like, despite the terrible rumors many people hear and believe.

This post is titled Grocery Store Fiasco because we went to the grocery store today and had a rough time. Let me throw out that taking two kids to the grocery store alone is a terrible idea to begin with, autistic or not. But when you've put off the dreaded chore for so long that the house is basically empty, I had no other choice (lol!).
There is a misconception that autistic people cannot handle loud noises and while this is true for some, it is not for all, including my baby boy. Eli has more sensitivity to light so we can't be in bright lighting for a long period of time or he becomes very uncomfortable. And apparently the lights in the store today were a little more bothersome to him than usual. Eli began to become loud and somewhat disruptive to other customers in the store. Braxton was very good and patient. He remained calm and tried to help me soothe Eli with songs or chants. But it wasn't working. Everytime we attempted a tune, Eli would scream because it was not what he wanted. Eli is considered nonverbal because he cannot communicate needs or concerns with words or signs. He screams to communicate likes and dislikes. Eli had became so upset that his noise was drawing attention from other shoppers. As I was trying to find something satisfying for him to watch on my phone, I hear whispering. After I got Eli's favorite video playing, I turn around to see several shoppers in a group looking at us, pointing, and whispering. About us. About my son. I can imagine the judgement being passed about how I am not "making my child mind".
Look, I was raised in a home where you got a spanking as a punishment. It's not passed me to whoop my kids, trust me. But our time at the grocery was not Eli acting out and misbehaving. He was talking to me without using words. I find it very hard to teach my kids about treating others with patience and respect when they witness grown adults doing such things. I strive to teach the boys that God made each of us different on purpose. God does not want us passing judgement on others. Only He can judge us.
Im not here to preach. This is just a friendly reminder from the mom who you thought didn't discipline her kids and was creating little demons for future society, patience is a virtue and kindness can take you much further than meanness can.

Thanks for reading! :)

-Taylor